the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
