1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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