YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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