Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
honey bunches of taint.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
