So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
