I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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