wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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