everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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