stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i've created a new STD.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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