Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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