Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
