Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
