I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
