Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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