Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist