How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.