Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.