Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.