Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.