i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
