I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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