Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need moral support for this bender
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
