just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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