Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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