My liver just broke up with me...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
