Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
