Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
