cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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