He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
