I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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