I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
