A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm passing your future prison.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
