i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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