omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
