did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Say something about gay babies.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
