Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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