i need an iv and a liver transplant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
