I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
