Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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