Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
