Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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