Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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