I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
