I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
