i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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