I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
