just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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