I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
