Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
