how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
