Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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