Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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