I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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