He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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