Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
