I met the friendliest cop last night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
