need another drink. this is the easiest way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
