id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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