So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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