What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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