we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
