Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
