that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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