I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
