I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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