i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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