Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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