What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
