Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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