His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
