In the future we'll all be gay
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
